Missing it (not really)

I very much enjoyed Saint Paul School of Theology's worship service this morning celebrating its 50th anniversary. Lots of music, which of course I love; seeing all sorts of people, especially persons older than me, whom I have admired for many years; being able to talk with students, before and after the service. Worship was held in the dining hall of the school because the large crowd present would not fit into the chapel.

There was a celebration of Holy Communion during worship. I was sitting near the front, maybe the fifth row back; time came to be served and my row was not quite sure where to go to partake; there were many stations around the edges of the room and down the center aisle, but not an obviously close one for us. We headed for the one nearest, about 25 feet from the end of our row on the edge of the room. By this time I had met up with Hubert Neth and was glad to just follow him to wherever we ended up to partake. So I followed; and I followed and I followed , first down the outside aisle, then across the back of the room, and then up other outside aisle until we were nearing the chancel area and were getting closer to where our seats were. When we had trooped our way down that outside aisle and were about to go across the front to get to our chairs, I realized there wasn't a station between us and our seats. Still following Hubert, I said, "Have you partaken?" He said "Yes" and I said "Well, I haven't." Apparently I had been distracted by something when we did get to the place where he and others in my row were served and I just plain missed it. When I said "well, I haven't" we both started laughing very hard...and I scooted quickly back to one of the stations we had passed up ,ended up partaking non-gluten bread (a new experience for me) and sheepishly returned to the row where I had been seated, seeing that everyone of the other people seated in the row had sat down. A bloggable event.

The moral of this story could be:

---Never follow Hubert Neth in a communion line (I DO NOT like that moral!)

---Watch for instructions, keep alert, and you will encounter the Lord (that's better)

---Or, remember that even when you miss it, you don't, when there a brother in Christ who will laugh heartily with you when you do miss it, because you really didn't (miss it, that is)

I like the last convoluted moral the best.

Counting Those Blessings

I Count My Blessings, Name Them One By One today, 9/28/09. I do not elaborate with my usual musical prose and profundity. They are simply blessings.


1) The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Being blessed to have had Christian, Methodist, steady parents.


2 ) My daughter CR 20--bright, politically aware, introvert, loving, knitter (and beautiful)


3) My son CJ18--drummer, writer, Rose's boyfriend, creative, incredibly loud, incredibly insightful (and beautiful)

4) My vocation as a United Methodist minister and to have been called in college--it has been and will be the vocation I began adult life with and the one which I will take to retirement and beyond.


5) A brother in Christ who is walking with me step by step in the Spirit, through the many wilds of my life.


6) Barbara Webb, my administrative assistant, who knows me well, is quick as a ...rabbit? and who had a great time on her cruise last week

7) A district full of churches and pastors to love into their better selves


8) The Internet


9) The good sense God gave me (and a mind that likes to learn)


10) My home--A mid century condo full of authentic mid century furniture and two cats along with CR and CJ.


This is my list for today.

A Magic 8 Ball Faith

This summer was a time for centering myself again in a daily time of prayer, study and simply being in the presence of God. It is easy to simply let that discipline to fade away amongst the busyness and distractions any of us face. I've had to come to terms with my own Magic 8 Ball kind of prayer life that I have led at times in the past. I know enough about the ways of God that I know that ya' just don't get answers like you do when you ask the ball a question and turn it upside, and lo and behold, ya' get your answer!


No, I already knew that. But what I really still believe, and so much hope it to be true because I it would make the living of life much easy, is that once in a while God does work that way. Here are the phrases that are on the magic 8 ball die according to Wikipedia:

The 20 standard answers on a Magic 8-Ball are:
● As I see it, yes
● It is certain
● It is decidedly so
● Most likely
● Outlook good
● Signs point to yes
● Without a doubt
● Yes
● Yes - definitely
● You may rely on it
● Reply hazy, try again
● Ask again later
● Better not tell you now
● Cannot predict now
● Concentrate and ask again
● Don't count on it
● My reply is no
● My sources say no
● Outlook not so good
● Very doubtful

It has seemed to me that more than the odds would allow I get the "Reply hazy, try again" and "Better not tell you now" messages from my prayer time. Sort of hazy. Like God is trying to tell me something, something grand and wonderful, but I don't get it so he tells me to try again, and again and again. Sometimes I can see those signs pointing to yes, even if the yes isn't exactly a yes to my request.

And yeah, it's true that indeed God better not tell me now, or I will go make a muck of it, trod all over the place trying and trying something to make whatever it is happen that he is told me about, really taking all the gift and grace out of it.

What I have learned is that God indeed can do far more than we can ask or imagine. God answers questions that we don't even know we have. When we ask for bread, God provides a banquet. When we ask that this cup might pass from us, we find that it already has in the cross of Christ. When we ask for a a miracle, God provides sometimes the light of fulfillment of our meager request; and, sometimes God provides the darkness in which we wander around in, not knowing where we are going, till there somehow, in that darkness and in our circuitous journey we find that we are winding our way to a greater grace.

I kinda like Magic 8 Balls, they are fun, but merely fun. When I think that the answer to my prayer is stuck down in the bottom of that gelatinous goo where the answers roll around, the answer may be "learn to trust the Presence, not the answer."

The Mystery

Sorry to be so long between blogs. Last weekend my daughter informed me she had received a little unwanted feedback from a guy who wanted to go out with her but she refused--he read the blog and said some things to her that made her uncomfortable. I am currently working on blocking it from search engines but I miss doing this and am I am going ahead at least this afternoon.




Last Saturday, as I approached the 85th and Wornall intersection, I saw that the Bikers for Babies were out again, collecting for the March of Dimes. There was some kind of biker rally at the Speedway last Sunday, an annual event to support MOD as well. The bikers that collect at that corner every once in a while are not weekend wanna-be bikes---they're the kind that ride huge bikes, the men burly, and long haired, with faces that look like they've been in a fight or two, and the women with husky smoker's voices, leather jackets, with no pink helmets allowed. I give them something monetarily, when I see this particular bunch out with their helmets in hand collecting for babies in need. It is a very neat paradox that I am gleeful about each time I see it.


Friends, paradoxes (or is it, pardoxi?) and I are close travelers. And in my best time, I rejoice. John Michael Talbot, on a song entitled The Mystery from one of his early albums The Painter sings:



Could you be finding the mystery you have been looking for?
The Kingdom where servants come to be kings, are you looking for?
And you'll know that the sweet paradoxes unfold
The mystery will be shown and you'll know
Jesus, paint my life, Jesus paint my life...


Times come when the paradox is so very real, and truth is born. When sadness arises, and joy sprinkled with tears live inside the same soul or when the deep heartache of loneliness and the sweetness of that pain, truth that it is, abide together---that is when the sweet paradoxes do unfold and paint our lives with mystery and we know that beyond the Precious Moments moppet figurine faith that surrounds us, lies the paradox of empty and full, of lasts and firsts, of large and small.

Bikers and babies, paradox and mystery--real, true.

True Car Confessions..

When we d.s.s go to cabinet, several of us may go out to lunch together each day. So that means we carpool. For the entirety of last year, I did not offer to drive. Not because I don't like to drive (how could THAT possibly be when I do so much of it?), but (here comes the true confession part), my car was so messy, and I don't just mean cluttered, but dirty on the inside, that I didn't want any of my cabinet colleagues to see it. Never mind that I know folks look inside as they pass by it, but good Christians that they are, no one over the last year ever said "yuck" at least not within my hearing. I really can't make myself go into detail here, but gum, sunflower seeds, chocolate, food wrappings, grease spots and stuff that I didn't know what it was down in the little nooks and crannies got cleaned out today. I am just glad that there was not another question at ordination about whether my car was so dirty as to embarrass myself, since even then, it was and I was, embarrassed, even until early this morning. Notice there is no picture of my actual car accompanying this entry.

One of my goals for the summer was that I would really clean out the car so that when cabinet meetings began, I like others could offer radical hospitality, which I did not feel I could do last year. Now I can, because I spent a good part of today cleaning the interior of my car. It certainly would not now pass the white glove test (maybe not even the brown glove test) but I could give someone a ride without apologizing, at least, not too much.

Many life, and perhaps spirit lessons here:

1) If something needs attention that is keeping you from being of service to others, don't wait till Labor Day to do it.

2) If there is something that you are keeping in the dark, or covered up, eventually it will get to you if you really are a conscientious person down underneath the gobbly-dy-gook of your life.

3) If you need help doing a job, ask for it. I did not today, because I have not learned this life lesson yet.

4) God forgives you even when you make a real mess of your surroundings and works through your disgustedness with yourself to accomplish far more than you can ask or imagine (actually parts of the car are cleaner than I could imagine this morning)

5) Sing hymns, psalms and spiritual songs while doing a nasty task...I kept singing And Can It Be That I Should Gain for some reason today. Amazing love, how can it be???

And so, cabinet brothers and sisters, my car and I are ready to practice the #1 practice and we are glad. And I say too, Mr. Charles Wesley, can it really be that I should gain grace through Jesus when I make a mess of my car interior..or when I realize that the car interior is not the only thing I have made a mess of??? You bet your bottom dollar, it really can be and is. Praise our blessed redeemer, amazing love, how can it be???? We are beloved and that really is the bottomest line.

Albert's motivation...

Okay, I don't know if over the years I have done a cranky blog on this matter, so it sure is time I do one. Please remember that really, I am an evangelical. It shows in this entry. And don't you EVER say steroids and Albert to me in the same sentence. Thank you very much.

I heard again last night from sports announcers from Pittsburgh, where the Cardinals plastered the Pirates, about an incident that happened a few weeks ago when the Cardinals were playing the Pirates again in Pittsburgh. A man, a Cards fan by the way, reaching for a ball, fell out of his first row seat---he and his 21 year old son where there to celebrate the young man's birthday. The son has Downs' Syndrome and you can see him sitting in the stands. Again last night, I heard what a wonderful thing it was that Pujols, who has a daughter with Downs Syndrome, left his position immediately when he saw the man had fallen, and not only comforted him, but made sure the man did not move around or in any other way aggravate any neck injury he might have had.

Yes, it was admirable, but what one would expect of a man who walks the Christian walk. Okay, a man who walks a Baptist Christian walk, who uses words to describe his faith that I would not use, but a strong believer. Okay, Pujols is very confident in himself and who is called the best player in baseball, so yes. there may be some arrogance there (:-}) There was a Cards commercial that was made five year ago or so, one of those ten second things, and Pujols turns his head toward the camera slowly and I don't think I have EVER seen a man exemplify pride and confidence than in that commercial.

Okay, my point is that there have just been a time or two over the last six years I have had the inDemand sports package through which I can get just about every Cards game, that anyone has asked Pujols what his real motivation in life is...when he is asked, as I have seen in print articles and on the internet, it is always because his relationship with Christ that calls him to be the best he can be, and that he does the huge amount of philanthropic work he does, is to care for the last and the loss.

Three or so years ago, I did hear Bob Carpenter, a former Cardinals announcer who now is the announcer for the Washington Nationals, interviewing Albert when the Cards were playing the Nationals. Carpenter led him into an opportunity to talk about the "why" of his life--what motivates him, what makes him go. It was this question to which Pujols gave a brief testimony about his faith and then slapped Bob on the knee and said, "but man you know this...you're a brother in Christ." I sat down and wrote a fan letter to Bob saying how much I appreciated him asking this question. There are a couple of sports announcers I really love (okay I really love everyone who announces for the Cards...) but Rick Horton and Bob Carpenter have been favorites, because they are both funny as all get-out, are extremely knowledgeable, and both have that certain something that speaks volumes about their character--the words they used, the examples they give, a sort of grace with which they decide to speak. And both are unmistakable Christians in their public lives.

Could someone, somewhere in a non-religious publication mention this about Albert??? There probably is something written or unwritten about not mentioning this, but it seems like in a world where the media seems to know the most intimate details of celebrities' lives that surely someone might make sure this is said. But then again maybe not.

And I have the game on right now against Pittsburgh, and in the 10th inning, I just saw Albert hit a pinch hit home run, and as always, when he gets a hit, he pointed to heaven with both index fingers, giving the glory to his maker for his own ability, yes, but simply in thanksgiving for the gift of salvation that God has given him...

Apologies for the errors in grammar or typos here, but I just had to say this and say it quickly because I have to go do my nails and get ready for the morning at North Star which I believe will be very interesting...more tomorrow if I can squeeze in blogging...

Hidden No More...

Moses came down from Mt. Sinai. As he came down from the mountain with the two tablets of the covenant in his hand, Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God...when Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, the skin of his face was shining and they were afraid...When Moses had finished speaking to then, he had put a veil on his face... from Exodus 34: 29 ff

Then Jesus cried again with a loud voice and breathed his last. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Matthew 27: 51-52

Moses' face, grown dazzling bright in the presence of the Giver of Pure Light, was overwhelming---no, not just that, but frightening to his people since they were used to the darkness of doubt and idol making. He veiled himself to save those who were trembling at the brilliance of God's light, because they could not take the startling reality of what Truth and Beauty looks like. And, the curtain for the temple was carefully designed by God, given so that the people so afraid of what the Light might reveal about themselves, could be protected from the Holy of Holies, the place where God most fully dwelt.

It was Lovelight that made the countenance of Moses shine, and which those chosen could not see because it was so much more than humans could bear to see. And then, the Sun of Righteousness, the Bright and Morning Star came to dwell with us. Our knowledge of our own dark places and valleys and shadows and the hidden recesses of our hearts still cried out to be left alone, even when we witnessed how the clouds of hurt and heartache disappeared it his presence. But Love, you see, loves us as we are, but does not leave us there in our darkness, hidden. The Fairest One unabashedly asks us to let his light stream into all of that which fears to be seen, those cavernous places where we fear Love will finally find a darkness too dark for it to shine. He, we fear, might find that place within us that no one else sees because we hold the flashlight that aims only at those things we choose to reveal.

When that Fairest One hung on the tree, and his last human breath was breathed for all of those hidden places in you and me and in creation, God ripped the curtain away, ripped away any need for Moses to wear the veil because in the death of Jesus, those "thin places" where, once in a while we had seen the full glory of the Lord shine as a distant shimmering of what eternity is, now we know. Then by faith, now by sight. Love crucified, Light at sunrise. God forever intimately in all of what human beings feel, experiencing most of all the darkness and the shadow and the hidden places that the Fairest One took upon himself, all of it there on the cross where all of that dark died, and now no longer triumphs. We can, when we allow the Light of Love in, and sometimes even when we defiantly turn it away, we are in it sometimes because, sometimes in spite of who we are.

And in those times hen we are overcome by our inability to lift the veil between sin and forgiveness, between guilt and grace, between the Light and our darkness , we need another disciple to wake us up and remind us that that veil has already and for always been torn in two. God sends someone who will walk us away from that denial of Love. We need another to pray us through our fear so that we remember that that Light of love and forgiveness isn't some plastic picture ornament, but is real and yearning and forever. Praise you, God for those you choose to walk with us, who turn our hearts to Love and Light again! Praise God for Life, Praise God for Light, Praise God for the tearing and the ripping and his desire which has brought us into his presence, into his arms, into his marvelous Light.