A full cup and a steady hand

The photo here was taken this morning by Fred Koenig, one of the communication officers for our annual conference. The setting is the basement of First UMC Jefferson City, at the UM State Legislators breakfast, sponsored by our conference's Spiritual Formation and Social Justice team. We had a lovely breakfast with several state senators and representatives. In the picture are, from left: Bishop Robert Schnase; Rev. Cathleen Burnett, chair of the team and Lieutenant Governor Peter Kinder. (and by the way, that's Jesus on the wall.) After the breakfast, our bishop and I met with the team, and he answered questions regarding Pathways and his understanding of the prophetic ministry of the church.

Bishop Schnase's remarks at the end of the breakfast were, as always, well-spoken and contextualized to the spiritual needs of this particular audience. He used a phrase that I have heard him use once before, as he spoke about the importance of being faith-centered and anchored by that faith in the midst of the tumult that political life can bring. The phrase: "The fullest cup takes the steadiest hand."

I am not sure I know anyone whose vocation is more like a cup brimming at the top than that of a United Methodist bishop in this time of our church's history. Each of our bishops holds a cup full of expectations of others for clear and decisive leadership; full of their own desires to cast a vision of growth and hope for the denomination; full with the many small and large situations in an annual conference on any given day; law suits; financial challenges of annual conferences; appointments that aren't just needing attention during a few months of the year, but are ever-changing, it seems; full of time and energy spent counselling and consoling and conjoling district superintendents, whose own cups are mighty full, too; and being the denominational voice in his/her annual conference at all times. Whew...the responsibilities seem nearly endless.

And, at the same time, I have never witnessed a person with whom I have worked. bishop or not, who has a steadier hand than Robert Schnase. What do I mean when I say "steady hand?" I mean consistent, solid, confident without arrogance, the ability to state a vision with clarity. But I also mean someone who knows himself well; who is not afraid to face the conflict that inevitably comes with change; and who knows that God will continue to lift him up up eagle's wings (bald or otherwise) and that his responsibility is not just to be the best bishop he can be for Missouri Conference, but to lift that work of the episcopal office to God as a fragrant offering of love and dedication. His work helps us all to open our hearts and our churches so that even the sparrow can find a home there. We are blessed.

Caleb's Monday Morning Playlist

This morning I hurriedly finished packing for a night away. Ah, that it were to a spa for a massage and pedicure, but alas, it was to Jefferson City for a meeting. Caleb, who always gets up the latest of the three of us, somehow is always ready to go the earliest. So I asked him to put my travelin' bags in the car while I finished getting ready. He said he would if we could listen to a CD with music he wanted me to hear in the car on the way to school. I said yes. Here are the artists whom I heard by virtue of my son's ecclectic taste this a.m.:

--Atmosphere (the first cut he quickly turned off even before the words began..."that one's too harsh" he said)

--Bad Religion (whom I recognized right off...I STILL am regretting that I never did start up that group at Broadway to discuss their Process of Belief album...this cut American Jesus was from another album...But, hey, check out the book in the picture...Has anyone read this??? It looks like it's right up my alley..just published in 06)

--Roots (hip-hop---Not my favorite genre*(see below) though I appreciate clever writing---Caleb really likes some of the artisits--"Move to it, mom, Move to it" he said this a.m. as he showed me some of his sitting-down moves.

--Bad Religion again

--The Rudiments--Can't exactly place what kind of music that was...but Caleb loves it

and I know I told him this morning that this was definitely NOT my favorite band

--Atmosphere again-this one milder, I suppose, relatively speaking.

Sorry I can't remember many of the names of the cuts. But I think I did well to remember the bands...actually I had to write them down right after I dropped the kids off for school.

I am grateful to have tonight in a pretty nice room in Jeff City before a breakfast meeting with our Spiritual Formation and Social Justice team and UM state legislatoris and our bishop and then a meeting afterward. I am tired.

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(note about hip hop)* However, for some strange reason, Gorillaz' Clint Eastwood (clean version) has been spinning around in my head for days...I keep having to ask one of the kids "What is that song?" And then I sing the tune a bit....at least one time Caleb has mentioned that he suggests I think about singing the words around too many people...for example "I'm not happy, I'm feeling glad...I've got sunshine, in a bag" because it probably doesn't have to do with the juicy fruit gum in my purse, but another kind of sunshine in another kind of bag...people might get the wrong idea he thinks. I think it's not that part of the lyric that caught me...it's the part that repeats over and over "The future's comin' on, it's comin' on" and somehow deep in my mind someplace I pulled out this song from my memory banks because I've been thinking so much about Pathways and the future of our conference. And postmodernity and our denomination. The future is comin' on, that's for sure.

Thanksgiving for Two Brians

I attended two worship services today and preached (sort of) a thirty minute sermon at Platte Woods' committee/task group orientation. North Star early; Trinity mid morning, and PW at 4:00. It was a good day. The bishop preached at Trinity today, a congregation known for its open and affirming ministry with gay and lesbian persons. The choir's men section is probably the best of any UMC in the city (or county). And of course, as always, the "through or around" sermon on the five practices of healthy vital congregations was well received and the congregation was grateful for our bishop's presence.

The sermon that Brian Roots preached at North Star today was more than wonderful. He has preached a four week series on stewardship of the world---today what it means to be good stewards with people globally. If I could google every sermon preached today in the whole world, I feel confident that this would be the only sermon that would pop up as using the following three phrases 1) Brian McLaren ...(Yippee! Brian R will be preaching on The Secret Message of Jesus for several weeks he announced); 2) Cross-dressing ( Rev. Roots reminded us that we need to be neighborly especially to those who make us most uncomfortable); and 3) Fair trade coffee. Instead of doing some general sermon on "we are all brothers and sisters and we need to work for justice," Brian, using the Good Samaritan parable, preached a sterling specific sermon about coffee, coffee pickers, and justice in our coffee drinking. He started by saying that every day for the past 23 years he has prayed for the people who picked the coffee beans for his coffee. He told how much he loved his coffee in the morning (something I really resonate with); how he had tried to give up this addiction many years ago and then he couldn't really find a good reason to (with much self deprecating humor); about his awakening to the lives of Central American men, women and children who harvest the beans; about how joyful harvest season is because that is the only time the pickers/farmers have money; about when the crops fail for small farmers they often become nomads with their families, some ending up in the US as "illegals," which Brian reminded us that that was not really right...they are "undocumented," not illegal. He asked us to think about the neighborliness of our country's immigration policy. He asked us to consider buying fair trade coffee, which yields the small coffee field owner $1.20 a pound in equal exchange, and helps to stabilize their lives. And he said that he knew that making these small gestures didn't seem very much in light of the larger economic issues, but he reminded us of the star fish thrower, picking up star fish after star fish and tossing them in to the ocean...no, he couldn't save all of them, but he was making a difference for those he could reach.

And I think Brian McLaren would have loved the sermon too. One of the turnings of many in the emergent conversation who are not United Methodists (we have always claimed social justice or "social holiness" as an essential, though not always lived that out) is toward having a stronger voice in global justice issues. I am so grateful to both Brians for who they are and what they bring. And how I was reminded again today, that my neighbor is not only the urban kids who live upstairs and occasionally make lots of loud noise with stereos and girlfriends, but those whom I do not know and often do not even think about, whose lives call me to wake up some around these issues and at least take small steps to educate myself, my family and my churches.

A Thank You Entry to a Great Office Staff

No, this isn't one of my pastors running away because I asked about apportionment payout. But it does remind me of our absolutely marvelous office staff in the Heartland Districts office. There are three of us d.s.s who office together---Cody Collier, the Heartland South d.s.; Steve Campbell, the Heartland Central d.s.; and moi. And we have three office staff persons--Barbara, Tracy and Coni. All three of these women have all three of us as supervisors...we do have a lead d.s. that changes every few months, but somehow, this arrangement is working. Barbara is the Administrative Secretary; Tracy does our communications; and Coni is our bookkeeper. And sometimes the biggest hurdles they have to jump are the d.s.s--not that we TRY to get in their way, but we often all need something at the same time and we all have different temperaments and, well, you get the picture. Right now, despite any written job descriptions these three have, they are all data input people because they are feverishly (well, at least dedicatedly) inputting year-end report info from each of the churches in the three districts, as well as charge conference info. We have a really good conference database system, but it takes real diligence to keep up with it. In two weeks, we d.s.s will go to what is called Assessment Week when for 5 days we begin the appointment making process. We listen to each other review each of the full time churches and their pastors. And we need to have current info for them all---thus the deadline for inputting.

And now, a love song to our office staff. These three women are not only good at their jobs, but kindly, supportive of us, gentle, and all three churched as United Methodists and yet they still enjoy working in our office--where sometimes you hear the good, the bad and the pretty ugly about what happens in churches and with pastors, unfortunately. However, two examples of incidents today that made me again realize why I am so very thankful for them. #1) This morning, I called Barbara to ask her to make a hotel reservation in a town some distance away, for a night next week, since I needed to attend a meeting early one morning and I needed to go the night before. She checked prices, compared distances, and made a good suggestion, gave that suggestion to me, and then made the reservation. Just after that, I received a phone call telling me that I need not go to the meeting after all, and so, I had to tell Barbara that even though I appreciated her work, well, in short, we needed to cancel the reservation. Fine. She did it with a smile. THEN I received an email that rescinded the "you don't have to go" phone call, and yes, you guessed it, she had to re-book the room. And she laughed. Despite the fact that she had not taken a lunch break this week, which I hate, and she as well as all of us in the office are under a deadline, she laughed. Thank you, Barbara. #2) Coni, our bookkeeper is so terrific. We (I) have needed to get a grip on keeping better records, receipts, etc, and she is so kind in the way she reminds me. Today, she came in and asked me what account she should charge my "emergent" expense to---and I rather convolutedly gave her an answer. And she sat down and talked to be about emergent for a bit...what a delight. It wasn't a long conversation, but it made me realize as she, and Barbara and Tracy do all the time, that they really care about what I am doing in ministry, and listen and laugh and are concerned and often say words of affirmation.

I do need to say that the only reason I don't have a Tracy example today is that she was secreted away in a room piled with forms that she input all day long. When I saw her about 4, she did look a little blurry-eyed, but that great smile was still there!

Feeding Us Along The Way

Today I had six consultations, one-on-ones with pastors, at the Platte Woods church. What a neat thing to be able to talk with the pastors in my district in this format! I asked Bryan Wendling, our part time local pastor at the Polo-Cowgill charge if I could share this story he told me this morning on my blog and he said sure, so here is an example of the small and beautiful moments that I get to hear about...each one unique and wonderful.

Bryan works as a computer programmer (his title is something other than that I am sure) in southern Johnson County Kansas and travels quite a bit. He lives in north Kansas City---his wife Brenda is a nurse; they have two teenage boys. Bryan is ex-military, was/is a lieutenant, a helicopter pilot and a whole bunch of other good things, too. He is bright, personable, and has answered a call to pastoral ministry. He hopes to complete seminary and be ordained. He is (supposedly) 1/4 time at his charge, but manages to get there whenever his folks need him. One day, he had received word that he needed to go directly from work up to Cowgill (which is, oh, 50 miles or so from his house, I guess) and Brenda knew that he didn't have much cash with him, or at least he wouldn't have time to get a good meal before he arrived...so...she met him at the Perkins parking lot in Liberty (on the way) with his supper she had made...I just love this story. What a neat thing...we all, married or not, need to have those folks who meet us along the way and give us what we need to keep going to the place that is calling us. Nurture takes a lot of forms in my life---a kind word about a blog entry; a Charles Wesley text set to a 21st century tune; finding Doug Strong last year serendipitously in the Yale Chapel (a colleague at Wesley Seminary who shares my passion around new forms of doing church); fixing a good meal last night for my children, that morphed into a meal for their dad who happened to come by at supper time...and then Caleb's girlfriend who happened to come by...; reading George MacDonald sonnets and having them speak the truth of what I sense about God's love; having Susan Vogel in my life who takes care of me by cooking a meal a couple of times a month; being able to follow my emergent conversation passion and being affirmed by my denomination and Bishop; and on and on. Many people meet us, who, miraculously sometimes know better how to take care of us, than we do ourselves. I wish sometimes that more churches were like the Perkins parking lot, where those who already love us, and those we are asked to love can within and outside our church walls find ways to feed and nurture each other, and empower each other to go find others to care for and feed.

A VERY Scattered Entry on Music...

The kids were with me over night and I overslept big time this a.m.---I didn't wake up until 8- the kids school starts at 8:30 and it takes 15 minutes to drive it. No one seemed terribly upset that they were going to be late...and once we did get in the car, Caleb had a major discovery. He found my audio tape-connected-to-a-cord-thing that you can put in the tape player of the car and plug in to an Ipod Nano like he did this morning. He first played a song I knew I should know ("It's Jimi Hendrix, Mom..."Purple Haze" he said, like he was talking to someone who wearing a chartreuse leisure suit and who is still using a plain old CD player) and then he played another song, and then another, and then another by the same guy, and I guessed right this time, Tom Waits. I love Tom Waits. I heard him, at least intentionally, for the first time last week when I bought Caleb this CD...while standing at Barnes and Noble on the Plaza downstairs in the CD department, Caleb said the magic words as he held the "Rain Dogs" album up, "You are really going to like this guy..." and he was right...not quite sure how Caleb can figure out what I like, but he does. I am trying to find words to describe Tom Waits...but he just sounds like Tom Waits...a little like a beat poet who got stuck in a Moog synthesizer with Joe Cocker???...no, he just sounds like Tom Waits. (If somebody can tell me how to easily import ITune purchased music onto this Blogger blog, I promise I will actually put a Tom Waits song here when I learn how...you have permission to teach my by phone or email.)

And another thing...I had a wonderful dream about Don McLean (it had something to do with the recurrent theme of listening to someone sing/speak at church, but I can't seem to ever remember what exactly was said---just that it was joyful) the other night (yes, the "And I Love Her So," "American Pie," "Wonderful Baby," "Starry Starry Night" Don McLean, who still kills me softly with his song...and whose picture is above) I was a HUGE Don McLean fan in high school..I love his poetry...and I still hang on to a line he wrote in an album from later in his musical pilgrimage "I've lost my sense of rhythm, but I've gained a sense of time..." I love it. I wrote a paper on the Van Gogh song when I was a sophomore in high school, and that painting hangs in the room where I am typing this.


A couple of nights ago, I was talking to Kendall Waller on the phone as I drove down the interstate (fancy that ;-}) and we started talking about places where we would like to pastor...not specifics, just the sort of place. We both talked wistfully of university town churches...me, because, I said, altruistically, I love the intellectual liveliness that exists there. Kendall said, well yes, but he also likes to be around the counter culture. (Not really a strange remark from a man --- even though he, too is a district superintendent --- who builds car stereos for competition, listens to Metallica, and got a citation in Springfield during annual conference for having the sound up too loud in his car--- And who can give a pretty good definition of "postmodern" by the way.) And I said, as I have said many times before and will say many times again, "I'm so glad you're on the cabinet." Not that some of the other wonderful folks on the cabinet couldn't define postmodernism, but I don't know many who listen to Metallica driving through the foothills of the Ozarks...

Gosh, I do love finding new music that whips around my ears and mind and brings out a smile or a sigh or a sob ... to heck with being stuck in a genre...bring it all on...Can you say "prevenient grace???" God often shows up in the strangest places these days...

Thoughts along the journey...

The eye of the world_
Originally uploaded by http://www.flickr.com/people/52988603@N00/.

I am in the midst of pastoral consultations this week---I had one-on-ones today with five of the pastors in my district. I really love this experience---the pastors and I talk about their current places of ministry, and I hear what their hopes are for the coming year in terms of appointment. I had some exquisitely beautiful moments today, which I cannot share on a blog because, well, even I have my boundaries around some things, but I'll just say at least a couple of times, God's presence was so near, that it was nearly palpable. In one of the interviews, I surprised myself by telling the pastor that I sensed God so very near at that exact moment. These times with the pastors are holy ones for me. Together we come before God, the pastor opening his/her life to me and to the presence of the living God, being truthful, being human, seeking guidance, giving thanks. These "interviews," as much as I love them, do take quite a bit out of me and after getting home this evening, I found myself playing a game on my new 8525 and watching the Texas-Oklahoma State game at the same time, sort of vegging out.

My life seems to be turning, turning, hopefully coming 'round right these days...it is no coincidence as I am getting my bearings more and more, that I remember my mother who at 52, learned to drive and started college. I am fifty two; I already know how to drive, thanks to my mother and father, and I have enough higher education college to last the rest of my life. Part of the turning for me is that I am turning away from some things this year (I did not decorate for Christmas except for my Cardinal tree; I can't seem to stand the sight of a crochet hook and yarn in the same basket) and have turned back to others, counted cross stitch for one, and, here I tell something not many people know, reading fantasy novels for another. Over the past twenty years or so, occasionally I would try to get back in to reading fantasy, but never got past the 30 or 40th page. About a month ago, I picked up a book written in 1990 The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan and am really enjoying it...good thing too, because I think there are several books in this series, all over 500 pages. I began reading fantasy-- The Hobbit in high school, and then Ursale LeGuin and then in my first appointment after seminary I went whole hog--I really think I was trying to escape loneliness. Now, I think I read because I am delighted in the imagination of a good writer, who chose to create an alternative land where good continues to confront horrible evils, and although I have not read to the end, my hunch is the good guy, after much transformation and torment, does indeed win. I also think I somehow want to affirm that life is a complicated thing, indeed, as is love, as is faith at times, but it does eventually come down to whether you choose one path or another, whether you choose to go forward with the challenges before you, or retreat, whether you honor the call and choose the journey, or whether you choose to stay where you are, safe, and stunted.

I am glad the pastors in my district's churches are all on the journey of ministry, but all following a bit different path, all having adventures that call for love and faith and courage. What a thing this life, this vocation is...and by turning, turning, toward the Light, toward the call, toward the journey, we will, perhaps sometime in the far distant future or perhaps sometime very, very soon, come round right.