The love and loss of kitties

I have been meaning to show you Mel. Here he is, now 5-6 months old. I took this tonight. This is a usual pose for him. He loves me like no cat I have ever had. He has a very quiet soul- and often just sits and looks at me and reminds me of an owl. Remember Mel is named for Mel Torme to whom we were listening the day we got him (and besides he has a tuxedo look to his gorgeous fur), and was the kitty who was in danger of euthanasia when Caleb and I went to the shelter back in August. Caleb and his dad wanted to name him Miles Davis instead, because Mel is one cool cat. Danger is our other cat, is physically a little smaller and younger, and his name says it all. I call him Power Ranger Danger...he thinks he is much larger than he is. He and Mel do play together, but where Danger is hardly ever content to gaze, Mel likes to often. He runs in and jumps on me and purrs in the morning. If I am gone more than an hour, he runs to greets me when I come in the door. Mel has a substantial meow; Danger has a squeak which we think is funny, since he lives so large.

So that is the pleasure. The loss is this: last Tuesday, when I brought the boy kitties home from getting their shots at the vet, I had intended to take Maggie, our older female, immediately to get hers. But when we returned, alas, Maggie was gone. We could not and cannot find her. She was healthy, no illness, except manic depression brought on by two additional felines in the house. We think she had developed wrinkles around her eyebrows (anger lines) since the boys came to live with us. She never adjusted. We didn't know what to do...Mel, she would tolerate, but Danger was just a huge pain to her. So I guess she just got fed up and walked away sneaking outside while I was getting the young ones in the carrier to go to the vet. She has not been an outdoor kitty, but the kittens had gotten her reflexes in good shape over the last couple of months, since she always had to be watching her backside, literally, since Danger liked to play with her tail. Where Danger thinks of himself as much bigger than he is, Maggie had begun thinking herself much smaller than SHE is. She had started trying to get up on my desk, for example, even though she is gargantuan and would often knock off my pictures and papers, since she saw the boys doing it. She still got a lot of love, believe me.

We keep thinking she will return, though Philip is being rather matter of fact about how she has gotten hit by a car and crawled up someplace and died (aren't former spouses kind...I make him promise not to share that with Cana but I know she has thought of that too.) I prefer to think she went to a chubby kitty spa to lose the 10 or so extra pounds, or that, as Cana said, Prince has called to her in a special kitty voice only they can hear and told her of a fair land where there are no menacing would-be assassin small cats to make a mature cat miserable; a place where there is salmon every day and where milk doesn't give one indigestion; and a place where there is always sun coming through the windows and saintly hands to scratch that favorite spot. We can hope. I just hope her frown lines have gone away and that although we knew she wasn't the brightest kitty God ever made (yes, I have called her stupid) she is/was quite a nice soft cat who was a shelter kitty too. We'll see.

Day #3 The United Methodist Way--Those who lose their lives, find them

Hope: A Council of Bishops who understand that we must change and gives some real direction for how to get there

Melancholy: Is it too little too late?

Hope: Gil Rendle reminding us that change starts at home...we d.s.ers and other conference staff types need to make sure we are living the change that we want to see in the world.

Doubt: Can 847 mostly gray haired over 55 types really do what it takes to change when we are all so entrenched in the "system?" Is there a way that we can listen better? How can a church that is so shaped by modernity find its way out of one paradigm and into another? Can it? Those who are willing to lose their lives will find them. The test of any of us at any time: Are we willing to give up who we are for who we may become?

Hope: Biblical stories: Dry bones that live; wilderness times that finally yield to fulfillment of God's promises of new life; Lazarus risen; nothing can separate us from the love of God; we are not yet what we shall be; we must be willing to lose our life in order to find it (woops, that last one might not seem like such good news.)

Okay, I leave it there. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto us.

Day #2 The United Methodist Way

I am a bit of a tired emerging d.s. tonight but here it goes...

Not a great picture but I think you can see basically what is going on. Tonight there were multi conference meetings--Missouri met with Greater New Jersey and the Philippines. When I sat down next to Bishop Sudarshana Devadhar )who in the picture is sitting on Bishop Schnase's left) and introduced myself he said something like this, "Oh, Susan, I read your blog.." and then he began describing a couple of entries I had posted recently!!! A surprise, but probably not the most significant thing to happen for the life of the UMC today.

What was the most significant thing that has happened today? Probably that lots of folks have expressed their gratitude that the Council of Bishops have offered specific help for conferences, districts and local churches that point a way forward---7 pathways, 5 practices and more.

Tonight at our multi conference meeting, one of the Filipino d.s.s expressed what I often think about---is the UMC really an old wineskin into which the new wine of today cannot be poured? Bishop Schnase made a brief remark about what that new wine really is. For me the new wine are the postmodern gen xers who are looking for authenticity and relationship; it is Jake, Caleb's friend who is a great pianist and who the other night as he finished playing a Chopin etude and then a Gershwin tune, saw the book of hymn arrangements I had on the piano and asked "what's a hymn?"; new wine are those young adults up in the Northland that Megan Sly, a new wine woman, is trying to reach with the Encounter worship service, birthed out of Platte Woods; new wine, new wine.

Can we be made new? With God, dear friends I know all things are possible. I think it is a lot more possible for God when we are willing to give up who we are for who we might become. I know that it is a lot easier to believe when I look at my students and I see the grace with which Jamie, and Amanda and Jill and Emily many others have answered their calls by serving churches of this district

Ah, Cynthia Wilson ... I wish everybody I know could have heard her sing "He Touched Me" this afternoon.

PS: Somebody tell me when you get to the point in this life that you are spiritually healthy enough and psychically well enough that it doesn't hurt when you are either misunderstood by someone whom you want to understand; or that it doesn't hurt when somebody whom you care about and whose opinion matters either intentionally or unintentionally is hurtful. I still don't get this ... Ah well. Change our hearts oh God, make us ever new. Change our hearts oh God, make us be like you....

DAY #1 The United Methodist Way...And Lovett's Ten Provocative Questions

This was the look I had of the dusty colors of autumn at Lake Junaluska this morning as I took a little walk. Last week was probably the color peak, but there is something exquisite about the trees just after they have begun to fade. I thought about making an analogy to the UMC right now but hopefully I would be proven wrong. Not that we aren't still beautiful in some ways, but hopefully our fading will be really a rebirth, or something like that.


We had three bishops and Lovett Weems talk to us this afternoon---Bishop Huie, Bishop Oh (I know I spelled that wrong), Bishop Brown and Bishop Palmer. All were authentically inspiring---Bishop Palmer preached a rousing sermon about fear and love and dancing and thanksgiving which was wonderful. In the midst of the bishops, Lovett Weems spoke. He had been present on Tuesday and gave a response to the State of the Church which I think the bishops produced very recently. His response was in the form of 10 provocative questions which can be accessed at = http://www.churchleadership.com/ I guess by question is one that I believe that Bishop Palmer asked, do we love our Christ and the world which God sent him to save enough, to do the changing we have to do to offer Christ in the manner we need to do it in our specific places of ministry at this particular time? That is my restatement of Bishop Palmer.
Worship this evening was a REAL blessing...Cynthia Wilson is leading music. I forget how wonderful she is until I am where she is again. Communion was lovely. Lord, DO listen to your children praying...

SUNDAY NIGHT 11/10 addendum: I have removed the Ten Provocative Questions since the above link will now get you to them.

Off to learn about the United Methodist Way

I am sitting at KCI waiting to fly out to the United Methodist Way event at Junaluska. All extended cabinets OF THE CONNECTION will be meeting together for three days. I will admit I have been a bit skeptical about this----the "WWWD" (What Would Wesley Do) part of me keeps saying that I am not at all sure Wesley would have us spend the $500k plus that this must be costing all us folks to get there. But the HHTGAH (Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here) part of me is sort of looking forward to it. We all are supposed to have read some documents sent to us in preparation; there will be time to hear from some of our best leaders on the state of the church and what we can do (Bishop Schnase is speaking); and we will get to meet "folks like us" in fellowship and learning. I will do my best to blog each day, but I think the internet connection is not very good at the Lake. Let's hope we are rising the occasion and that not only do new occasions teach new duties, but we managment types might be eager to learn them.

Shaved head day 1 and ccs #37, 38, 39

No, the picture isn't of some crazed hitch hiker I picked up in Ray County today. It's my son (that's glare on his forehead and he usually smiles more than you would think looking at this picture) who called me about 6 and asked if we could spend "some quality mother-son time together" tonight. I held my tongue, since I was just arriving home from 3 charge conferences and had an agenda for my evening of getting some stuff together to send to Steve Cox for the 5 practices page. When I picked Caleb up at his dad's, and told him about my 3 charge conferences that he had forgotten I had (where had he thought I was all day???) he was terribly apologetic, but I had energy tonight so I wanted to do what he wanted to do. Caleb wanted to go to Barnes and Noble on the Plaza and then to Sonic in Westport, and to sit outside and just chill as he would say, for our quality time. Which we did. With coupon and gift card in hand, I bought a book on Nietzsche (God help us); a book which comprises the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe; a book by a a Buddhist author that is something like Practicing Peace in a Time of War; and a magazine on meditation for Caleb. And three Christmas cooking magazines for me. His favorite Friday night late night activity is going to poetry readings, where he reads his own and others' poetry. It kind of reminds me of Maynard G. Krebs and bongos, but then again, I kind of like Maynard G. Krebs and bongos. They can never say our kids are boring.

It was #37, 38 and 39 today in the charge conference count: Richmond; First: Excelsior Springs; and Orrick. I was late for the last two. I was especially sorry to be late at Excelsior, since there were two extra business items, both important, that drew a bit bigger crowd than usual. I hope it isn't an insult to say I knew the Orrick folks would understand when I realized I would be late there too. My general sense about this day is how pleased all three churches are with their pastors. Yea! I continue to urge more involvement in the local communities "you are not here by accident" I say, which I hope is not too terribly Calvinistic. One of my favorite happenings of the day was at Richmond when 90 year old Alice Jones (is that name right?) whose father was a presiding elder, talked with me for a bit. I want to go over and visit with her---she lived in Canton, where I served for 5 very good years in the mid nineties...but she was there from 1928-1930 while her father served as pastor to the English speaking congregation...there was a German Methodist church there as well. I also am so pleased at the optimism at Excelsior Springs...just a very positive spirit, and they are talking about building. Good folks there, good folks everywhere.

And a son who shaved his head today, "because he needed to do it" he told me. Thus the picture.

Life is interesting.

My week, medically speaking

It has been an interesting week medically for me. I chipped a tooth last week and after procrastinating for two and a half years (this is to make my brother and sister procrastinators know they have company) about going to the dentist, first thinking I would establish myself with a Liberty dentist and then after moving back to the city, I found other excuses and anyway I finally HAD to go, and I went back to Dr. Karen Rethmeyer, with whom I had a several year-good relationship, due to a shared faith (hers more of the conservative kind...we can see her church, Colonial Pres, outside her dental office window) and the fact she always takes time for me and even if it took months, I always paid my bill. Four crowns, two fillings and a bridge will either make a relationship or break it. And she has been known to pray with me when I have been anxious about the fact that I tend to need LOTS of Novocaine to get numbed. A long description, but probably helpful to what comes next. Dr. Karen was great on Wednesday. I do have to have some work done, but, after she took my blood pressure, and saw how high it was (I will not say how high) she said she wanted me to get to my doc ASAP and get some help. Then she'd see me again. I called my doctor's nurse yesterday, and she called back today, after hearing my blood pressure reading (and I had been in for my yearly check up two weeks ago and the bp was a little high) my doctor wanted to see me tout suite. Which she did today. And I now am on bp medication. Joy.

Dr. Rethmeyer, the dentist (and me to0) think the chipped tooth thing was a God thing. She advised me to get an inexpensive blood pressure measurer for home, which I did Wed and between then and today, the pressure kept going up a little. I developed a headache and ringing ears, and whether that was because I was worrying myself into it or what, it still was a very good thing I got to my doctor today.

Does God work like this? Some would say that my subconscious somehow knew I had a problem and my tooth chipped so that I would go see my dentist who would help identify the high blood pressure. To that, I say, "bull hockey"...as Philip C-J has been known to utter. I know there are so many other major concerns in this world that my blood pressure might not seem the greatest problem---I have been thinking plenty also this week about the homeless on the streets in Westport, or those moms who are in class with Cana who bring their babies with them, or the thousands of others in the city who do not have healthcare insurance and for whom these two appointments this week would seem a terrible luxury.

But I guess deep down, I do believe that God loves all of us like there is just one of us. And I am thankful, for a dentist who prays and invited me to go on the Guatemala mission trip next year that she takes every year and for a family practitioner who knew I needed help and worked me in today. I am feeling better already, as my doc said I would, and I am grateful.