Let us pray...

Nobody told me four and a half years ago that I would be praying with people (out loud) so much as a ds. Today, I think I prayed out loud (me saying the words) four times, which really does not sound that much to pastors who call on hospitalized folks and pray with them. To tell you the truth, I sort of had standard lines I would use on hospital calls--mind you, not the same prayers, but some of the same lines, and ones I hope I always said with truth and integrity. One I have often said at the bedside of someone injured or ill is "Lord give (name) the will to know the healing that only comes from you" for example. Most pastors, I think would own up to a few of this happening for them, as well.

The times I usually pray aloud now are before a one-on-one meeting with a pastor or lay person; before lunch when I am out a pastor or other church person (I think I always pray before a meal, but not aloud unless there is somebody else with me); and before meetings. At the beginning of my superintendency, I was fairly self conscious when I prayed, relying then on some of those more "stock prayers" which are handy sometimes in a pinch. I have gained more trust in myself, and in my Lord, in that as I begin a prayer now, I really try to stay in the moment of what is happening with that person across from me or the folks around the table, and try to express some of the joy, concern, fear, or confusion that is in that person, and in me as we begin.

Staying "in the moment" is really such a hard thing to do sometimes, when in private prayer or in praying aloud with another, my mind is racing forward to what will happen next: how will this person react when I share some of the things I must share; will this committee have the courage of its conviction in making some difficult decisions; and, what am I going to fix for dinner tonight?

It feels so right when the Spirit lets me stay in that moment, to pray what is in the depth of my heart, and through my empathetic spirit and my often times TOO intuitive sense, to try to speak the concerns of the heart of those with and for whom I pray.

Right now, I'm simply very grateful to have that opportunity to be in vocation that allows me into the hearts of persons in times of beginnings and endings (and in times of being in the middle of it too) and that I have the privilege of using my voice to speak to God who not only always listens, but forms the words that I say, when I am not quite sure how to pray. I am especially grateful when the Holy Spirit comes to give those sighs too deep for words when grief cannot be explained, when confusion would only lead to babbling if talk was attempted, and which comes when the hurt is so very deep that tears make it impossible to speak. I am grateful most of all that God entrusts me with people to pray for, and for knowledge that God is listening and all of my feeble prayers will be heard.