Mostly What God Does...and a Cheer Leading Story

This is another heck-of-a-week. Last night I worshipped in a service that was worthy of blogging, and much much more. At Jacob's Well, Tim Keel preached on forgiving our enemies---that as we really learn and pray ourselves into forgiving those who have calculatedly hurt us, our hearts beat more truly with the beat of God's heart. One quotation I remember, "Mostly what God does is love us."

Today, amongst many other things, I drove to Columbia for two 1/2 hour presentations by two churches in my district who were applying for grants from the conference in order to move into the next phase of ministry in their churches. I sat with Brian Roots during his presentation as he asked for a significant grant to help rent a warehouse where North Star needs to move in order to have "dedicated space"--they have met for 6 or 7 years in an elementary school on the west side of Liberty, and each Sunday, have set up and taken down for worship in the gymnasium. They have a trailer where they put the items, and call it "church in a box." Megan Sly from Platte Woods made an eloquent appeal for funds to help begin a new worship experience targeting younger adults. She was wonderfully prepared and well spoken as always. She had her senior pastor Steve Breon with her. I was Brian's "other person," and although I was not exactly sure what I was supposed to say, I said it with passion :) Form sometimes precedes substance with me...anyway, one of the gifts I do actually have is the gift of being able to project the energy that I feel when I am talking about something important to me and my faith...today it was getting North Star more settled as an interim step before the church can build on its land. As I was packing up my stuff after the presentation, I heard someone (it may have been Jon Spalding) say, "you brought a good cheerleader, Brian..." and Brian replied, "The best!" Which was probably the neatest thing I've heard anyone say in a very long time about moi. Don't worry---I have enough acknowledged faults to keep me humble.

Cheer leading, in this sense, is something I do well. But I remember one of my most painful experiences as an adolescent came when I was in the seventh grade, and I went out for cheer leading for the basketball team. I knew, somewhere in the depths of my heart, even as I practiced the cartwheels on the old mattress my dad had laid outside our house for me to fall on (and I almost always fell) that I would not make it onto the squad. I have never been physically very sure of myself and except for dancing, never had the confidence to try to make my round, short body to do any of those athletic moves expected even then of cheerleaders. My trying to do the splits only hurt me and everyone watching me. So the day after we tried out, when Mr. Wheeles, the principal came to our class and named the cheerleaders, I was not named. And it was the first time in my life when I had to smile one of those smiles that is plastered on and shakes, because your cheeks and your heart is really not in on it. I knew I was doomed to a life of unpopularity, and I could sing with Janis Ian, "I learned the truth at seventeen (really at 12) that life is made for beauty queens..." or cheerleaders. But today, I realized something new, and made a connection for the first time....although I will never in my life get to hold pom poms and stand in front of the bleachers as my team plays, my cheer leading days are finally here. Truth be told, they've been here quite a while. Cheering on the Community congregation to buy that old insurance building and move in; cheering on old Broadway to get that Ascension window covered and backlit so the neighbors could see it, not just those inside; and now, over and over again, as I see the big and small dreams that our pastors and churches have and are attempting to live out, I cheer lead for all its worth...it is a wonderful thing to be able to be in a position where I can be a vehicle for the gladdened heart of God because of these who want to rent warehouses, and begin new worshipping communities, and those who are still listening and looking for the vision that God has given and wants to give them. The cheer leading I do for Emergent is to be present, to give money when I can, and to always make sure I tell these folks how wonderful they are when I can say it authentically and to be a cheer leader for this conversation in the UMC. Whether with the churches and pastors in my district, or with those whom I know and sometimes worship with, and sometimes attend cohort meetings, conferences, teach, and dream with, whether UMC or Emergent, I certainly don't ever have to force the smile at my joy in what is happening, and although a poignant tear is shed, I know that the adolescent worry that I would never be popular, has been replaced in my soul with the assurance that I am a precious daughter of a God whose heart I know because I know Christ as my savior. I have learned the truth, and continue to learn it with each passing year, that life is made rich and robust because the thing God mostly does, which is to love us.

Easter Flowers

It snowed again today in Kansas City. Imagine that. Not too much this time, but added to this week's accumulation, most the city is white, and spring seems far away. So imagine my delight in finding, at the Westport Sun Fresh this afternoon, daffodils for sale, 10 for $2.99, and the very young woman working in "Floral" even gave me some of that magic powder stuff to make them last longer. When I was little, I learned to call these Easter flowers, (of course in southern Illinois speak it was "Easter flars") and sometimes, when I am not thinking, still do today. I love daffodils. I tried to find them to decorate tables at my 50th birthday party two years ago, but they are hard to come by in December. I have two paintings of Easter flars in my bedroom of the apartment, though my bedroom is also my living room. I also have some fake Easter flars in a big vase (did you know that many craft stores that sell artificial flowers only keep daffodils in season??? That you can't get them anytime but spring? Doesn't that somehow discount the value of artificial flowers...and just now, that Bobby Darrin song is playing in my head, "she made artificial flowers, artificial flowers, made from Annie's despair"...a very sad song, but one that made the charts, I think). Anyway, it's great having daffodils, Easter flars, real Easter Flars even before Lent begins. I believe this must be Transfiguration Sunday, for us Protestants, at least. Seeing Jesus again in all his glory, teaching us with the disciples that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet...Easter flars for me sing that same song...we liturgical ones may be saying good bye to Alleluias this coming week until the Paschal Feast, but we're just kidding ourselves in a way...cause we know Jesus has risen and no matter how well we live out the passion and the pain and the Lenten journey the next several weeks, we know what kind of flowers will bloom in the end and it ain't no artificial flowers, is it??? I think heaven must be full of daffodils with bright yellow petals, and little jonquils and that sweet aroma of spring. And I can almost see Clinton and Lucille Cox, with their oldest daughter and their parents standing in that field, with the lift of the late April breeze in their hair, telling jokes and playing "Name That Tune" with old hymns, and looking forward to the time when all the world will flower as the Savior passes by..

KC Cohort Meeting

I am just back from the Westport Coffeehouse where the February meeting of the KC Emergent Cohort was held (hence the picture.) Tonight there were 6 men and three women; two Presbyterians (one of whom is a denominational executive, four Jacob Wellers;, including one of the pastors (and his mom, which was neat!); one E-Free pastor; and one UMC d.s. It felt really great to be there. We discussed Scot McKnight's article from Christianity Today which came out this month entitled Five Streams of the Emerging Church which we all agreed is an excellent primer for persons wanting a better understanding of the emerging church. Several times tonight, I sat amazed as I listened to the two co-workers from Sprint who are Jacob Wellians talk with passion and depth about cultural relevancy and relationship. David, one of those two guys, said that any more, when he is witness to a discussion on theology or faith, he just sits silently, because he is not sure that he understands the words that are being used ( words like "Arminianism" and "Calvinism" to "evangelical" and "liberal") in the same way that the two persons in dialogue understand it, and if he were to witness that discussion, the two people talking together, using those terms might not mean the same thing by them either. I think that is a mark of postmodernism, isn't it? One of those French guys, Lyotard, I think is the one who speaks about this. Anyway, a good time was being had by all when I left...they were still going strong.

There is a KC emergent blog by the way...here is the url: http://kcemergentcohort.blogspot.com/ This lets folks know what is going on and when.

I quoted Kendall about the need for ministry not just with the urban, hip, college educated folks that Emergent Village folks usually attracts (and please know, this Emergent Village stream is really is the manifestation of emerging church that I feel led to support and converse with); however Kendall talks about the need to share the faith with the NASCAR folks, yes, some of whom are urban, hip and well educated, but some of whom live their lives happily in small towns, working hard, having families, watching the same TV shows as their brother and sister city dwellers; visiting some of the same web sitesas their brother and sister city dwellers; and who are also living into that new cultural shift we call postmodernity. I need to think about this more.

And of course, today was the day that I had to get another phone...not another 8525. I may or may not 'fess up to what happened.

Tuesday night at Windermere

I am sitting in the room at Windermere where we have been meeting listening to the news of each ds about the district churches. I have just read the "A Full Cup and a Steady Hand" blog spot to Nancye, our dean. She has now looked up up my blog and is interested. I am grateful. I am waiting for Kendall to stop talking to the bishop so I can see if he has read that entry...I had not heard if he had or not.

What a group we are!!! Sue and Sandy are talking now across the table from me; rs and Kendall are talking in the kitchenette; Nancye is now getting ice, and everyone else has gone to their rooms. It has been a busy day. And I am tired. Hopefully tomorrow I will be more rested...I got about a third of my full time churches described, but have 2/3 of them that I will do tomorrow. My feelings have ranged, over the past two days, from euphoric at the thought of some of my churches (most of my churches...I can't say "Faith: Grain Valley" or "David Hackett" without smiling, for instance); to "how in the world are we going to take care of the issues that are presented," from financial difficulty to the reports on churches that are in turmoil because of folks who can't get along; to joy at being with my colleagues; to sadness, deep sadness, when we hear of pastors who are burned out or fed up and need to get out of this thing I love so much ("thing" being the United Methodist Church" or "the ministry.") I do put my trust in God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. I remember how Mr. Wesley expressed his feelings after his heart warming experience, that before he had always felt conquered, but now he was conquereor. Help me remember that, Lord.

I Love This Job...Really...and I Love This Life...Really

The last few days have been very busy ones---getting all the database entries done; Pathways today; a charge conference one night this week; two "Apportionment Breakfasts" at two different locations in the district to say thanks to the pastors of churches which paid out at 100% this year; and trying to pay more attention to a great group of mostly lay persons in the district who are on fire about a new way of resourcing our local churches around the bishop's Five Practices; dealing with a church where there is unfair and unkindly criticism of a pastor who is doing a good job of holding his tongue; and the ongoing saga of Wellington UMC, where the pastor turned in his orders November 1 of last year and has applied for the position as pastor in another church in town--the PPRC chair there, who has been, what I call, "stand-up" and kindly during the last few months, has experienced the sudden death of her husband; and Court Fischer, our pastor there as well as Napolean, has been doing such a fine job...and of course there are other calls and concerns and advice to be given, and pastors to be loved and prodded. And on top of the professional stuff, I suffered through two mornings of taking a VERY surly Caleb to school, who seemed not to be able to help himself from making me miserable...as wonderful as he is, listening to the audio tapes of those two mornings this week would be the best form of birth control for a bunch of hormone-raging preteens than any abstinence pledge could ever be.

And then, there is my own inner life, which is shifting and moving me toward something that I am beginning to see. All of us come to stages in our lives, me right now, when we have to listen to our lives and to claim who we are, claim our strengths, claim the fact that we really are as precious as we are in the sight of God, and that we are being called to go deeper in faith ("push out" Jesus said last week in Luke, "into the deep water") so that our lives might be a greater thing of beauty and grace. As I have been wading into that deep water over the past year, dealing with this new position, and dealing also with the chemical depression, there have been times I have been brave and strong ... there have been times when I have wept and ate a pint of ice cream and thought I was the most miserable of all sinners. Lately, in my dream life and in my prayer life, I am sensing that I am slowly moving toward something...moving toward something less like a village along the road, than the truth in the middle of the labyrinth. But I am thankful in a way that words can not express that as I move, in ways that are sometimes imperceptible to myself, God through grace has provided me with those who have chosen willingly to journey with me, and who affirm me when I am brave which makes me brave, and who let me wallow a bit when I am sad, but choose to come near, and not turn away, and then to gently call me back to the braver way. There are a handful of people--Susan, Kendall, Dick, Nancye, Linda--who are these people for me. And there are many others whom God has placed at the right place and the right time to listen and to prod and to not make me feel stupid for talking like I am talking here. So thanks be to God, that's all I gotta say about this.

And then, Sunday, we, the twelve d.s.s and our bishop, are off to Camp Windermere on the Lake to officially start the appointment making season...the "assessment" time. I really am looking forward to being with colleagues, to hearing about the churches and clergy, and to do this important work. Really. And I miss the emergent element of my life right now, since so much of my time needs rightly to be dedicated to the more traditional duties of d.s.ship. I will have missed Jacob's Well three weeks in a row, which I don't like to do. But I will be back.

Stream of my conscience 10:30 pm Tues 2/6

Don't look for too many entries over the next 8 or 9 days. We are nearing our "assessment retreat" experience, five days and four nights during which the 12 superintendents and our bishop gather to take an inventory of the churches and pastors of the conference. We each take a turn going through our districts, describing as accurately as we can, the situations in all of our full time and some of our part time appointments. To get ready for this (it begins Sunday afternoon at Camp Windermere---thank you Missouri Baptist folks for having such a nice camp/retreat center near the Lake of the Ozarks), we all have to write a short paragraph about the pastor and the church. This is put in to a computer data system we call "MissionBase" and then it is accessible to all of us. It is quite a task putting all this info it---we describe ALL appointments, full and part time. It is not just the time; it is how much I want to "get it right;" to make sure I am faithful to what I have heard both the PPR committees say, and what the pastor has told me. I try my best.

This morning, we held the 100% Apportionment Breakfast for the east side of the district in Lexington for pastors and some lay persons from churches that, you guessed it, paid 100% on apportionments last year. Not many came, though several were invited but I had such a good time. Dick Curry, the assistant to the bishop and my predecessor in the Heartland North superintendency (and one of two or three people God has put in my life to see me through it all...oh, my, how blessed I am to have Dick for support, good advice, and somebody who always makes me feel like I am cared for) came over from Columbia even though I didn't ask him until yesterday. And he brought appreciation from the bishop. Thursday we have the westside breakfast in Kearney. What a great group of pastors I have...what a blessing it is to be in the superintendency and to get to walk with so many pastors and churches as they do their best every day to reveal the Kingdom in their communities. And one of the laymen who attended this morning from Lexington, Charles Bartrum, brought me 2 dozen eggs from his chickens, homemade lime salsa, and two jars of jam. And the weather was so beautiful today, after I cleaned off my desk at the office (Jesus must be coming soon) I took two hours this afternoon to clean out my nasty car---and then to take it through a car wash in Liberty before their charge conference to elect a building committee. (I'm so proud of the way my car looks now, I had to put one that looked like it on this entry..imagine a Cardinals decal on the back bumper and a round little cross and flames on one side of the bottom of the back window, and a "Member of the SIU Alumni Association" decal on the other---Hey, you know Southern Illinois men's basketball team was RANKED this week in the top 25 AP poll--GO SALUKIS) And then after I got home, I input seven more churches/pastors info. And then...I wrote this. No splendid theological insights tonight; no flowery language. Just a little appreciation for a good day.

Strictly Emergent

Since it's been awhile since I did a "strictly emergent" blog entry, I thought I would do one tonight. Every once in a while, I need to remind myself of that calling to be bi-lingual, especially when I am doing so much work right now getting ready for an another appointment season, and thinking about the churches and pastors in my district, and my language definitely is majority Methodist-speak (a very good one, but not my only language..ah, that they might be one!!!). So to be true to my other language, that of postmodern theological orientations; of contemporary evangelical theology; that language filled with names like McLaren and Vorhees (Oh, I wanted so much to be at the mainline emergent conference this week, but I just couldn't go with all that I had to do here) and King and Keel and Volf and Jones and lots more ---and so, here is what I DO have coming up in my emerging world:

--In mid February, I meet with a pastor in the conference in Columbia who saw my Leading Ideas piece and wants to talk about renewal in his churches and things emerging

--The second weekend in March, I've been asked to give a two hour presentation on things emerging to the South Central Jurisdictional communicators

--I have been asked by the Nazarene Publishing House to do a podcast around their new spiritual formation resource Rendezvous which helps folks get in touch with their desire to "fall in love with God" as the young man explained to me on the phone...I think I was asked because I gave a presentation at the Nazarene Seminary a couple of months ago about my interest in the emergent conversation

--On April 10 Brian McLaren will be speaking at Platte Woods UMC (my largest church) prior to giving the Wallace Chappell lecture at Saint Paul School of Theology the next day. Thank you, Foundation for Evangelism, Doug Powe and Hal Knight for allowing to be a part of getting this done (I am hoping I don't have a cabinet meeting these days..I may call in sick --Just kidding of course...)

--On April 17 I preach at chapel at Saint Paul, presumably the word "emergent" will plop out of my mouth at some point

--In June I am leading a workshop at Bishop's Week at Mount Sequoyah on...guess what???

And I hope to be asked to do some other things--I REALLY wanted to go to the Young Adult summit at Sequoyah in late May, but I indeed DO have a cabinet meeting during the same time.

Well, thanks for letting me do this. here are three passions in my life: My children; my call to the superintendency; my calling to be a part of the emergent conversation. Thank God that they are not mutually exclusive.