The WDYDTY question

A bit of a cry for sympathy this entry. Sorry.

Whose beautiful but bandaged hand is this, you ask?? 'Tis mine I am forced to admit. But please don't ask me "What did you DO to yourself?" You may ask me "What happened to your hand?" or "Oh, Susan, I'm sorry that your hand is hurt" or "How did your hand get hurt?"but I reiterate, do not ask me "What did you DO to yourself?"

I have tried my best not to ask that "what did you do to yourself" (from now on referred to in this entry as the "wdydty" question) when I noticed a bandage or a cast. It sounds like the asking one is blaming the injured one for having done something to herself...and that it was the injured person's own fault that the injury or accident, usually, occurred.

There was a lot of room in the scriptures leading up to Christmas for that question to be asked. "Mary, what did you do going and getting yourself pregnant?" and "Joseph, what did you do to yourself asking that girl Mary who now is pregnant to marry you...see, she's
gone off and slept with somebody else...your judgement is terrible" or "John, for Pete's sale, why don't you lighten up a little, guy? What are doing to yourself out hear in the desert acting like a fool...you deserve any criticism you get!" and you can probably think of more.

I know there is an ongoing campaign to stamp out complaining. Maybe we should have one to stamp our blaming. It's been my experience that when people do get injured, or didn't think and did something that hurt, or when people get into situations where we wished they had better judgement, those people who are hurt are already feeling pretty guilty and stupid for what happened, and they have enough pain already without folks around them asking them what they did to cause this hurt to occur. People ask the wdydty question not really meaning to place blame I guess. And I may have let that phrase slip out of my own mouth sometime.

We never know what is going on with another person fully. When somebody gets herself into a situation where she has ended up hurt, either of body or spirit, the best approach is to always be generous in our sympathy and careful in our question asking. Or better, we can just listen and make those little "ohhh" or "that must of hurt" or "how can I help" replies, the last being the best sound really, and an "I love you" thrown in there somewhere too.

So, you ask me "What happened to your hand?" I burnt it Thanksgiving on a rack in the oven. It did not hurt for two days even though there were these interesting white bubbles (some might call blisters) that had immediately appeared after the burn. It started hurting Sunday and has not gotten any better and it is gross to look at and there definitely is some swelling. When both Barbara, my assistant and Cana, my daughter told me today to call my doc, I did, and her nurse said "GET THEE TO OUR URGENTCARE CENTER AND DON'T WAIT" (that was a paraphrase) I did, found out that it was indeed a second degree burn that was becoming infected, was all bandaged up and was taught how to show someone else how to bandage it (see picture) given a prescription burn cream and another for a heavy antibiotic. I get to wear this bandage thing for at least a week, maybe more re dressing it twice a day. It hurts. I have been unusually fatigued and teary this week and this may be part of the culprit. So there, you asked, I told, and yes, I am garnering sympathy.

And thanks for not asking "What did you do to yourself?" But if you do, I will tell you anyway.